I seem to be discovering more and more lies that have been told to me from childhood and even into adulthood. Some are staggering, some are just more like what the fuck moments. I mean really what the fuck moments.
I remember there being a rift in my family after the sexual molestation of a family member. We were told that my grandpa bailed the person out of jail, and even bought him a new suit for court. Neither of these were true. It was the person’s mother who bailed the person out of jail (which is documented, and can be seen), and my own mother who bought socks and underwear for the perpetrator. I cannot say that I am even remotely surprised by this. I have been through the ringer here as of late with my family and that not all the “facts” were being shared.
Well here are the facts: The person that ended up molesting a family member was previously caught trying to molest another family member. Even after this, my family let my other family member stay the night with the person that tried to molest another member. My grandfather did not bail the person out of jail, his mother did. My grandpa did not buy the perpetrator anything, my mother did. The person who was married to the perpetrator divorced the person that did this to my family member. I was treated like the crazy one and was told I had a personality disorder, when in all actuality, I was a trauma victim. Any questions yet?
Why on this earth would we be lied to about for so long about things that were so important? Why were we never in family counseling (like the entire family)? Why would someone blame a person that did not do the actual violation of sexual boundaries? Why would I be subjected to psychological torment and not protected by someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally.
I do not have the answers here. I only have speculation. I believe that projection and lies have a lot to do with everything that is going on today in my dysfunctional family. I know that I am going to be removing myself by detaching through love. A new concept to me, but none the less, something that is needed.
I know that I cannot trust this family member around my children, I hate that. I hate that I have to do that, but I have to do what is best for my children. This is what is best, and that is the truly sucky part. I hope one day that this can be mended, but I do not know when or how to do that. I will continue with my own therapy, and hopefully that will help.