Would we not all love the idea of being able to stop verbal abuse? Would the world not be a much better place if we could all get along, and communicate effectively. Open communication seems like a far-off dream; one I hope to aspire to.
How do you stop verbal abuse? The truth is my dear ones: you cannot. The psychological abuser gains power by putting you down. They see every argument that you have, every conversation, as a battle to be won (Holly K 2011).
Do not make excuses for people that mentally abuse you, because they know what they are doing to you. Every time they come begging for love back, and you give in, they have won control again. It does not matter how much you plead, love, try, you will never stop the abuse. You are a target, an object, not a person to the abuser.
Once we get that fact established with our lives, we can start to move away from the situation to analyze it. Take a night out, do nothing, clear your mind, and focus on what your future needs to be like. Some people imagine fields of clover, and a house on the hilltop. I personally envision an old Victorian house with a wraparound porch watching my grandbabies running around, Dan and I sipping tea. Sometimes I envision a commune of nothing but tribal members, drums beating in the background, and me being the withering Crone ready to pass on the crown to the Maiden preparing for the stag hunt.
You wanting more out of life is never a bad thing, unless you are stepping on top of people to attain that dream. You leaving a toxic relationship does not mean that you are a terrible person, it means that you are just elevating above the bullshit of the everyday world. I make no apology for elevating, because in the end I know that it builds stronger ties in relationships, to the earth, and to the world.
So, go out and spread compassion where there is injury. Love, even if it is in a detached way. Be loved for the person that you are, and not for the person you may have been faking to be. Be strong, you are going to need that.
If you do not have the strength yet, enter counseling. It will give you a better sense of well-being, where you are in life, and how to build self-esteem if you do not have any.
Thank you as always to my counselor Jenn Bovee at Inspiring Enterprises LLC.
Light up the Darkness,
Holly Kelly Jo, 2001, How do i stop verbal abuse? Healthy Place America’s Mental Health Channel Retrieved from: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2011/04/how-do-i-stop-the-verbal-abuse-part-1/