It is time for all of you amazing people to wake up and start the day. You have chosen to take a few minutes of your time to spend with me on this morning, I hold gratitude in that.
Have you sat outside to watch the sunrise yet? There is something about the spring that always gets me feeling rejuvenated. The earth (or Mother) is finally coming out of winter (or mourning) to start a new season.
Each item in life has a time to be reborn. That includes you. You can choose to change the direction of your life at any time you feel there needs to be a change. That can be a list of positive items that get you going. So, what gets you going?
I get going by the need to express myself, and write. I have (literally) four journals. I have a structured journal (done every morning), a weekly journal (written on Sunday to describe the week), a dream journal (if I have dreams to see what my subconscious is trying to purge, and a journal that I keep with me throughout the day. The journal I keep with me throughout the day is dedicated to my emotions.
I notice that I seem to have anxiety attacks and post-traumatic stress disorder flashbacks quite often as of late. So, I keep the daily journal notating the date and time of my emotions. This way I can develop a pattern. For example, last Thursday was a great day! No flashback, no anxiety, I ate well, and did well in my college seminar. However, last Friday I had flashbacks with anxiety followed by vomiting and diarrhea. I was able to go back to Thursday to see what had happened and what had not happened. It was a good day, I was positive, I had great concepts, and was working productively. Friday I was doing amazing until about 10:00 a.m., so what was the difference?
I was contacted by a person at work, through work instant message, stating that my biological mother had told her to utilize me as a source to help her get child support. Trigger, my biological mother. Also, why would someone who claims I’m a narcissist and never think of anyone but myself direct a friend to me to get help? I do not want to hear about her, I do not want to speak to her, and I most definitely do not want her giving my information out to people.
You see, through the journaling I was able to draw the connection and pattern. I’ll share something that may be a bit of a “too much information” moment, BUT last Wednesday I saw someone that looked like my biological father. I froze in fear, and a bit of urine came out. I have never feared my biological father. I have seen him angry before, he has called me a “bitch” before to my husband when I told him I did not want my biological mom in the birthing room with me. I have continued to make excuses for him.
Again though, through journaling, I was able to see what set off the trigger, what was stimulating my brain to the fight or flight mode.
Choose a positive way to express yourself, and when you’re having flashbacks or attacks write down what is happening. You got this. Sometimes writing during the attack/flashback can trigger your brain back to the present.
Huge shout out to my counselor Jenn Bovee at Inspiring Enterprises LLC.
Light up the Darkness,