Emotional blackmail is one of the harshest ways to get to another person. You are forcing warfare into their psyche by your inflections of what should and should not be. I, for one, am all for freedom. If something is not hurting you, or others, do what you need to do. If that means leaving, then leave. If that means staying, then stay. If that means to try and rectify a situation, then do so with a trained professional so you are not stopped in the webs of emotional warfare.
So, what exactly is emotional blackmail you may ask:
“a form of psychological manipulation, employing a mixture of threats, appeals and emotionally punitive behavior to control an intimate. It may occur between parents and children, husbands and wives, siblings or close friends…Under pressure from emotional blackmail, one may become a sort of hostage, forced to act under pressure of the threat of responsibility for the other’s breakdown”
Basically, it is a way of saying “if you do not do what I want I will punish you,”.
My own emotional blackmail came in the form of a text message, I do not believe the person got the response that they wanted but that was not the point of it.
I had made clear boundaries about my children, and I thought to be acceptable boundaries. Ask me first if my children can do something before texting them to ask if they can go. This makes logical sense, right? I mean, I’m the one that has the schedule, knows the routine, knows my children.
When I reinforced the boundary, I got “Well, I guess we will just have to take away their beloved Disney,”. See, that is where you fucked up. You threatened my kids, and my kids’ emotional wellbeing. I can go from zero to hundred really quickly when it comes to my kids. It takes longer for husband, because he is a grown adult. It takes longer for me, because I have been trained to believe that this behavior is normal.
It was not until talking about my situations that I was made aware that type of behavior is not normal at all. People do not go around trying to get your goat in order to gain something from you. Healthy relationships are accepting, and they attempt to lift others up not to smothering them with emotional blackmail.
Thank you as always to Jenn Bovee at Inspiring Enterprises LLC.
Emotional blackmail (n.d.) Fog Retrieved from: http://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/emotional-blackmail
Violet S, (2014). Emotional blackmail and you. The Narcissist’s Child Retrieved from: http://narcissistschild.blogspot.com/2014/09/emotional-blackmail-and-you.html