I have been going through a lot lately in my personal life. I have recently been going through a medication change. I was fearful of medication change, because I know that Celexa has worked for me with little to no side effects. My psychiatrist wanted me on Prozac, explaining it “runs the gambit” on PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I was also having horrible PTSD dreams. You know those dreams that you have over and over if you have PTSD, if you do not know then consider yourself very lucky. Although, the dream had altered from my family member being sexually assaulted and me being forced to watch; to me being sodomized while my blood family sat around as if it were not happening, or in my mother’s case laughing and pointing.
Well, that is all well and good when you are only on one anti-anxiety med; however, I am on a multitude of anit-anxiety meds (Xanax extended release, Busperine, Gabapentin). I found myself at a loss last Tuesday when I fell asleep sitting up at my desk, what was happening to me. I am so alert usually, and to have that happen was something that I had never encountered.
I went to the psychiatrist on Wednesday, I almost fell asleep in her office. I am glad that I had Dan go with me because I remember very little of the conversation. Turns out that since the Prozac runs the gambit, I do not need to be on all the other medications that I am on. Praise be to whoever, or whatever is in this universe that controls such things.
I fear medication. I know that sounds weird, and I talk about it often, but I do fear it. It literally is changing your brain chemistry, and all you can do is sit there and wait to see what it does for you. You have not experience in it, so you sit and wait to see what happens. Well, over sedation is what happened in my case.
On the front of my oldest son, I need to applaud him for his compassion and thoughts toward our LGBTQ, Transgendered, Asexual, Alternative life-stylers. I was speaking to him about North Caroline trying to bar transgendered people using the restroom, and he was appalled that people would be able to tell a person that identified as a man or woman from taking a shit in whichever bathroom they wanted to.
On my front of my youngest son, my husband and myself are still navigating through the waters of what will be best for him and his Autism. Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy (ABA) seems to be the best therapy for people on the spectrum along with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Liam is too young for CBT from what I am reading. We have dedicated ourselves to turning our house into an ABA household to help him grow and thrive. His speech is coming along, and using socializing games seem to help. His favorite so far is Race to the Treasure, it is a game where the family must work together to beat the ogre to getting the treasure. Click here to see the game.
We have started to create an even more family oriented team than we did before.
No contact is still in place, and I am starting to heal. It is an amazing feeling. I no longer am feeling the need to please everyone all the time. I am starting to distance myself from dysfunction, and allowing the light of life flood my household. Although my grandma asked if I had talked to my mom, I told her I had not talked to her in a while. She kept probing until I told her. Her response “well, she’s always been that way,”. That made me feel pity for my biological mother, she has always been in that state of mind. What a terrible place to live. After taking many psychology classes I wonder if it is borderline personality disorder, but I figure it is no longer any of my business.
That does it for me on this week of my personal sharing. I hope that you all have an amazing weekend.
Thank you as always to Jenn Bovee at Inspiring Enterprises LLC.
Light up the Darkness,