I know you are watching

Recent life events have led me to the following conclusion: I know you are reading these, and I know that you are placing judgement on them. How you found my name, I do not know nor do I care. I will not be silenced about the emotional abuse that has happened to me since I was twelve. I will not stop talking about trauma, and I most certainly will not stop talking about suicide and suicide prevention.

Whatever made you think that I would be harming myself? You have not spoken to me in a month, thank the Gods. When I said no contact, I meant it, yet here you are in all your narcissistic ways still trying to control my life even after I disconnected from you. You are no longer my family, you are no longer my mother; you are simply an acquaintance I might see on the street nod at and move on.

So, since you decided to call the suicide crisis team on me, for whatever your reasons, here are the facts: I am not suicidal, nor am I self-injuring. I know when I enter these dark spots in my life, because I am cognizant to how I treat others (unlike yourself).

know yourself

To all those that do not know how to get help in a self-injuring or suicidal moment please take note of the following; hell, grab a pen and paper or enter it into your phone:

  • If you are feeling suicidal or self-injuring impulses and cannot talk text 741-741
  • If you are feeling suicidal or self-injuring impulses and can talk call 1-800-273-8255
  • If you are feeling suicidal or self-injuring impulses and cannot talk go to the website National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and click the “chat” button at the top right

Light up the Darkness,

TheLotus

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