I must say, the thought of this Mother’s Day brought me nothing but abject fear. It is the first time I will be celebrating this holiday in a surrounded around the aspect of Mother that I would be going tribal. It gave me a fear that maybe I would feel distraught, or depressed, or triggered, or gloomy, etcetera. I fell asleep thinking about the “what ifs”, and woke up to nothing but being surrounded by the power of Mother.
The earth itself is Mother to us all, providing us all nutrients that are necessary to survive. My mother-in-law, whom I now just call mom, had come to stay the weekend. She is one of the goofiest, fun loving, forgiving, and tolerant person I have ever met. I was surrounded by the children I pushed out, the ones I encourage to be themselves.
My oldest wants to be in Mixed Martial Artist. I do not approve of this, and it is due to my own fear of him being hurt. I am his mother, and I protect him that is my role. Yet, that is what he wants to do. Thus, I support him in his decision, and will try to get him into classes that will help him be the safest and toughest MMA fighter the ring has seen.
My youngest son has Autism, and I complete all the necessary work that needs to be done to get him into the right therapy to help him express himself. This includes a combination of speech therapy, occupational therapy, and applied behavioral analysis therapy.
I have been asked by many if I could be their mom, and I take on that adoptive role. Hopefully steering them in the correct decision of life. I say this hopefully, because I am not there all the time to reinforce positive behavior and lead by example.
I realize that this day does not necessarily have to be about the woman that gave birth to you, it should do with how you are as mom to your kids, or your fur babies, or your step kids, or your adoptive kids, or the neighborhood children. The list could go on and on.
I realize now, that there is true suffering in those that cannot carry their own children. Yet, the happiness that comes when they are accepted as an adoptive parent.
I know that I have always been tribal. I have called many people mother in my life. Gaia being the largest of that contribution. I did not feel the need to reach out, just as my birth mother did not feel the need to reach out during my birthday. Honestly, it came as a relief. In that relief, I see the Universal Mother telling me that I did the correct thing by letting go.
I have my family, my tribal family. Those that are blood, and those that are by choice. I am okay with this.
Long rants from the innards of my brain, but I felt it was good to get it out there for others that may be going through hardships through this Mother’s Day.
Thank you as always to Jenn Bovee for helping me come up with, and stick to my boundaries.
Light up the Darkness,