Time is scary. It can be slow or fast depending on the situation. Take sleep for example. You can sleep for eight hours, and wake up like no time has passed. Yet eight hours has passed. Much is the same with life. Most people that have an anxiety disorder, time is a hindrance to us. It is either too slow, or too fast. There is no in between.
I have learned to let go of time in certain situations. Time keeps ticking on several items, but others I have let go of. It was six months ago I filed a complaint for discrimination about my mental afflictions and I placed it on the back burner, as it served me no purpose to think about the outcome. I honestly did not think that anything would come of it. Yet, I have had heard so many situations from other people about place and I did not mind being the voice for those people.
I keep paperwork, it was engrained into my cortex to save paperwork because you never know when you will need it. I keep screenshots of electronically sent emails, or text messages. I have even recorded conversations on the phone. It is how I operate. I believe it is something that happens to people with anxiety disorders. We are always waiting for the other foot to fall, so we must be prepared for when it does.
As I said previously, I did not think that my complaints (or how I saw them just a recognition of what was happening to so many) would go anywhere. I sent them here to our local office of civil rights. The civil rights person called me, an attorney, and stated that I need to send this to Washington’s Civil Rights Departments. I found that strange, because I honestly did not think that anything would happen.
I received a letter today from Washington D.C.’s Civil Rights Department. They have found enough evidence that they are sending it to their Chicago branch to investigate what happened. I am amazed that it took this much time, and yet I am not. This world has become so calloused to the ones that need support. That is why I believe you find handicap people (yes, I am calling myself handicap) either extremely beneficial, or just angry.
I am beneficial I believe because I push. I push through the glass ceiling, because I feel like I have something to prove. Yes, I have a handicap but look what I can do. I have seen others simply angry that they are in the position that they are, but they are not doing anything to alleviate the situation.
Being calm, funny enough, is my special talent. Do not misjudge my words, I will fall apart when the conflict is gone, but when I am faced with opposition I will calmly speak. I try to do so even in my written word, to be calm. I know I go on rants at times, but above that I believe that I can be calm and introduce facts to those that may not have wanted to see them. Even those that do not live the life that I do are able to see my struggles day to day.
Some days are easy, some days are hard, and what connects us all is time.
Thank you as always to Jenn Bovee.
Light up the Darkness,