It is a late night for me, please excuse any grammatical errors. I must talk about a few people I know; I must talk about it, because I know the pain you are going through. The scars of molestation are ever present. I am able to retrace the molestation of a family member. I believe that they told me details that they never told the police. I remember my own assault, I was 14, with graphic detail.
The depression and PTSD consumes us at times. I know, I know. The endless flow of medications you do not want to take just to feel like you’re not vibrating out of your skin. I know the darkness of wanting to end your life just to make it stop.
The item that gets me is the ying and yang. There must be darkness for light. I live in the darkness on most occasions, and I try to stay level even through those times. I have learned to embrace that darkness, because without it I would not be who I am.
What am I possibly getting at? You. Darkness may surround you right now, but there is light. One must accept the darkness to find the light. Do not make excuses for yourself. Stop apologizing. I see that you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I acknowledge it. I hope you acknowledge that too.
The anxiety that we feel at times, from our past, is all within the gray matter. Why the brain stores such horrible memories and not where I left my fucking car keys is still a mystery. Cognition plays into that factor though. When we are in a state of darkness, our cognition does not function properly. That is why it is so important to recognize how you feel, and why you are feeling that way.
My dear one, with all of the light I have, I wish I could scoop everything out of your skull. I wish I could take away the pain that you feel. I wish I could stop you from thinking too much. I wish I could stop you from doubting your own abilities.
I wish all of the above, because I wish them for myself.
Remember, you are beautiful. Regardless of our size, shape, gender, sexuality, religion, skin pigment, etc. You my dear are worthy of love and peace.
“The Truth in life is that life is Suffering,”. No truer word has been spoken.
Thank you as always to Jenn Bovee.
Light up the Darkness,