“Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?”- The Joker (played by Jack Nicholson)
There are many meanings that can come of that quote. (1) A witch used to dance in the moonlight, (2) walking around with your darker side, and (3) being aware of your darker side and continuing to walk down that path of darkness.
I walked with my devils last night, and I find myself in all sorts of a mood today. I feel conflicted, as if I did something wrong but I did not. Maybe in someone else’s eyes what I have done is bad, but not in my own. You see, I feel like I have been missing an arm for a long time now and yesterday I got my arm back (even if it was only for a couple of hours.
I kissed him, he kissed me back, and it felt like all my fear and tension went away. Everything was gone from this world except him and I, and I remembered how it used to be; our weekly visits on Mondays watching movies and playing with the kids.
I asked him between everything if he was seeing someone, because I did not want to interfere with his own personal life; he had said no, so we continued our assault on one another. Then I asked him a more pertinent question: “are you having sex with anyone?”, his answer was yes. He had been friends with the girl for 3 years and they were hanging out.
At that very moment, I did not care what he had to say. I continued my assault on him ravenously asking questions between urgent kisses. “no, she’s not as good as you,”, “I know” biting down firmly on his bottom lip. There is always someone better than you, no matter who it is; however, I knew he was speaking the truth when he said that I was the only one that could do it the way that I do. I wanted to tell him it was because of the love that we held for one another.
That is one thing that always strikes me when people fuck just to fuck; there is no emotion there, so how is there to be any pleasure?
Being polyamorous has its own benefits, but we stick by a strong creed of being honest with all partners. When he said he was having sex with someone else, and that they were hanging out, I should have stopped immediately as my creed would declare it. I let the dark side in, and it consumed me from the toes up. I could not control my impulsivity, nor could I control my body. No physical sex was had, but sex had been had if that makes sense. I believe someone can make love to you through their eyes, emotions, laughter, words, body movement, etc. That is what we did. We danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.
Thank you as always to Jenn Bovee, even if she might be like “DUH LOTUS! WHY DO THAT?!”
Light up the Darkness,