What a conversation looks like for me.

Edit, these images are not showing in this blog. I will try it again, and hopefully it work.

I was told my entire life that I had a personality disorder. I never really believed it, but I listened to my mother instead of my gut. I knew I a trauma victim, but what could I do about it? After my youngest son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, the doctors wanted a full mental medical health record of myself. I of course went to go look. It turns out I never had a personality disorder. I was a trauma victim, and had depression. Now, in normal families when you tell your mom this, she would not get defensive. In fact, if it were me, I would become so filled with guilt that I would do anything in my power to make whatever happened better. That is not what happened to me. Here is what happened to me:

Now, after I told my mom I did not have a personality disorder all along,the blog that I had been writing for a year was causing “family turmoil”. How strange, all of the sudden it has become a problem. This struck me as odd,so I went to facebook to ask others if they needed the support of the blog; they all said yes and none of the comments were bashing. Yet I got this text from my sister:

If that isn’t strange enough, please see the text message I got from my father yesterday while I was in the midst of a PTSD flashback:

Edit, took it down as it was too much for me handle; I love my father and him berated hurts too much; However, my amazing husband stepped in. He came from a very supportive family, and has seen me go through struggles I have had with my family.

This is the life I am walking away from. I cannot stand the emotional abuse any longer.

Edit 07/19/2017: After my older sister asked me to write my mother about the recent accusations of me “claiming my father raped me” I emailed her:

Now, I am not sure if she wants to not be confronted about the atrocities she condemned (or tried to condemn me for), but that did not mean I wanted to go contact with them again. It meant that I wanted to talk to her and read my blogs to her in my own voice so she knew I am not malicious (most of the time as we all have a darker side). After that, I will no longer be reaching out to them. If they want to believe that I would do these horrible things, then they do not know who I am and never will.

Thanks as always to Jenn Bovee for helping me through the grieving process of losing a parent whom has not passed on yet.

Love,

Me